Sucks

Sucks getting hit in the face with reality. I can no longer stay in denial. I knew it all along but was still hanging on to hope. How stupid! Just set myself up. It's ok. This should be quick cuz I kinda prepared myself. It just still hurts. At least there's final closure.

Alone

Sucks feeling alone, nobody to talk to, share about your day, then cuddle with...

Fortune

I got this yesterday at lunch. I sure wish it will be true. Not that I don't have any friends, it just would be nice to be with someone... 

Busy

It's June and I'm still not in any relationship. My excuse? I'm extremely picky. I'd like to be courted. Is chivalry really dead? Guys are only nice because they want ass? I can pretty much tell by now. That's how the last guy got me. I still miss him. But that's only because there's nobody else. Well.... For now....

Coconut Oil

Love this info:
http://survivalsherpa.wordpress.com/2012/09/10/160-reasons-to-stock-coconut-oil-in-your-larder/

http://wakeup-world.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/coconutoil-oil.jpg

Screw Valentine's Day

I was gonna severely blast Valentine's Day but have since calmed down. I was gonna complain about what a wasted holiday it is, how nauseating all the themes on TV has it on and I have to tune to Netflix for entertainment on my day off. And the reason I can't sit through corny romantic movies or finish "The Notebook" or "Twilight" books without barfing is because I had never experienced romance and am extremely jealous and bitter.
All my friends who wished me a Happy Valentines are all in relationship, and they're women. Oh well maybe one guy but he only did that so I would stop bitching about how I never get anything. Really, that isn't getting anything. Especially if it didn't mean what it should mean.
So I texted my family a Happy Valentines Day and only my dad responded. I did text one old guy friend but his response was a happy face emoticon. Geez. You're welcome.
Well, my rant was short-lived because I heard from the one who I really wanted to hear from. Right before noon I received the text and I responded the greeting back. And that was it. Though I do suspect he only sent that as a courtesy and has no meaning behind it, I still received it and it felt nice.

Watching Ricki Lake

Preventing online fraud. Wow. This Manti Te'o dating hoax is quite the talk. I feel I'm old enough, educated enough and not desperate enough to fall for these... And maybe a little heartless enough (or just poor enough) to not give money to help strangers or suspicious charities. But then so were these guests on Ricki Lake's show. Sucks you can't trust anybody enough to want to help... Sucks for the legitimate and honest people and charities.
Man, some people suck!

Another day, Another dollar

It was so hectic at work today. Even though I was expecting the new admission that was coming in today and I just knew she would come in during my shift, I could not get a handle of the day. It seemed every resident acted up today. Non-stop. My feet are killing me. No time to sit and think let alone grab a bite of my PB & J that I made myself...
And so I don't know why I'd think I'd be up for any activity or get-together with any one after a shift like that. The last guy I met last week asked to see if I'd want to get together. Ok I said. WTF was I thinking? I had said ya let's try. That's not really a yes, right?
I don't give a shit if he's pissed. He doesn't know what I went through today. If he wanted to see me, he'd drive out. I'm on a quarter tank and payday is still a few days away. Fuck him. He just wanted tail.
I'm going to sleep!

Dating site journey continues

I've decided to meet a few more people from an online dating site. Free. Yeah, you get what you pay for. I've weeded out the perverts and I believe I've toned down my pics, though I've heard mine are pretty tame in comparison...
I would only want to meet for a quick coffee, that way the retreat is easily accessible haha. After texting for a long time, I met this one surfer traveler type. He looked way older than his pics. And apparently he lives on his sailboat. And I could see him as being a psycho serial killer type.
Next guy I met just came from his mixed martial arts gym that he owned and so he limped to the Starbux door to open it for me. Cute guy but very male. I see him as the couch type in front of the TV watching sports. He fidgeted the whole date, even scratched his balls a few times. Are you kidding me?
Apparently, I'm having trouble picking them. Although I believe I may meet the latter guy again, I dunno if I liked how cynical he seems to be of people.
Well, I will let you know...

Nurses

I drive home from my shift last night around midnight. I don't remember the trip and how I made it into the garage. Everything was automatic. I just thanked God for watching over me like He always does, then I cried. On my mind was one of my patients at the facility who was actively dying and the sad family surrounding her. I don't know how nurses can do this every day. They are truly Blessings. They are so strong, but really they only have to appear to be. I can't bring work home and vice versa. I want to thank The Lord for everything he has Blessed me with and the job He has given to me to perform and knows I can do. <3

Same sh*t, Different Year

I had to work my night shift at the Nursing Home when the clock struck 2013. Did I notice it? No, cuz I was busy working on a patient then transcribing new orders and charting on a current matter. Only did I realize it cuz the visiting hospice nurse was on the phone to the hospital and her alarm on her watch went off then she mentioned it. By then it was like 12:04 am. . Don't get me wrong, I was trying to stay positive for the new year. I appreciate my new job and I knew I had to work but this night shift is killing me. I could never get used to it. No matter how long I've worked it. Our bodies just can't handle it! And it's always very busy. Hospitals don't close and sick people don't count holidays. I really never complained about my bankers holidays when I worked that field. I wonder what 12 hour shifts are like? I don't know.
So now it's 2013. I had to sleep my New Year's morning because of work and because I have to go in again tonight. I only got a few "Happy New Year" texts :( That makes me sad but the important people like my family and real friends at least I hear from. I need to stop expecting so much from my guy friends. That's where disappointments come from.
And that's my Resolution: to leave those men in the past and start anew, fresh, meet new friends. It's just that I miss them and I would have texted and I always do in the past. I just have to stop initiating now. Go on. Move forward. I've been trying to motivate myself with quotes, but it never really does anything....

Same shit, different year...